The four C’s of couplehood: Connection, communication, chemistry and co-parenting

The three C’s of a healthy couplehood are: Connection – mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically; Communication and Chemistry.

Shared connection, is how a couple enjoys their companionship.  What are their shared interests, values, and how do they like to spend time with each other?

This is how couples  maintain and nurture their connection; it’s how they feed themselves emotionally and  support each other. Shared experiences can be like rituals that couples do together periodically such as attending concerts that bring out their wild, fun side that only they share, or attending the theatre to  contemplate ideas and enjoy thought provoking discussions, or maybe its hike together that brings them back to the nature that they love. Whatever it is, the couple knows, and it’s up to them to make the time together to have these restorative, rejuvenating shared experiences that helped to united them at their core.

Communication is how couples “click” together and understand each other. Some couples just “get” each other by sharing a certain look, others have key words that tip each other off, and others use physical communication to send signals. Communication can become convoluted and misconstrued with stress and increased demands of family life. What once was so easily understood between a childless couple, can seem lost  in the midst of competing messages of multiple children and demands of  family life. So much of couples’ conflicts are just noise  due to miscommunications; people misinterpreting and feeling badly about what they “thought” their partner meant or intended. In reality, more often than not, when couples think they disagree, they really are on the same page about the core issues, and their disagreements are about territorial or superficial issues  that is not essential to their core couplehood.

Chemistry is what brings people together on a level of undefined attraction. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and some swear by pheromones, others by pure looks, still others by mental stimulation. Whatever any couple decides is their reason for uniting as a “committed couple and partnership”, I call it chemistry and it is essential for survival. Chemistry is what I call the glue that keeps people together in the tough times.

Any or all of these three couple sustaining elements can be lost in the everyday struggles of  transitions, logistics and daily problem solving, especially when kids needs are present and demanding immediate attention! Couples must work together to maintain the three essential elements that united them originally.   Examples couplehood time are: A weekly dinner together or a walk together after the kids are in bed 3 nights a week, or  20-30 minutes of  dedicated “just us” conversation  one time daily. A  daily affirmation stated to each partner by the other, such as : “you are my soul mate because I connect to you on every level and think about you throughout the day” can be especially helpful. Sounds corny perhaps, but consider how much easier it may be to ignore the noise that often manifests in criticism and negativity of each other, if you as a couple began or ended the day with an affirmation to one another, reminding each other of why you chose and continue to choose to spend your lives together in couplehood!

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