Couplehood

couplehoodDr. Kate works with couples to restore them to the center core of what untied them in the first place. She helps couples identify and restore the essence of their relationship so that it’s present in their everyday lives.

Couples are often parents and they need help maintaining the unique and quirky aspects of their partnership that brought them together; long before the kids arrived. It’s not only possible, but necessary in a healthy family environment for parenting couples to maintain a balance of their couples’ needs within the framework of a positive, central family environment, and to know that this can be accomplished without distracting from the needs of the children.

In today’s complex world, it is normal and natural for couples to need some coaching and tweaking of their couples’ communication and connection. Dr. Kate offers this service. In just a few sessions, she is able to restore the balance that is so easily lost, and restore the couples’ place as the core and center of family life!

There are three essential ingredients to a couplehood. These are chemistry, shared connection mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically, and communication.

Chemistry is what brings people together on a level of undefined attraction. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and some swear by pheromones, others by pure looks, still others by mental stimulation. Whatever any couple decides is their reason for uniting as a “committed couple and partnership”, I call it chemistry and it is essential for survival. Chemistry is what I call the glue that keeps people together in the tough times.

Share connection, is how a couple enjoys their companionship.  What are their shared interests, values, and how do they like to spend time with each other. This is how couples reconnect; it’s how they feed themselves and each other.  Shared experiences can be like rituals that couples do together annually such as attending concerts that bring out their wild, fun side that united them, or attending the theatre to share contemplative thoughts and provoking discussions, or maybe its hike together that brings them back to the nature that they love. Whatever it is, the couple knows, and it’s up to them to make the time together to have these restorative, rejuvenating shared experiences that helped to united them at their core.

Communication is how they click together and understand each other. Some couples just “get” each other by sharing a certain look, others have key words that tip each other off, and others use physical means. Communication can become convoluted and misconstrued with stress and increased demands of family life. What once was so easily understood between a childless couple, can seem lost forever in the midst of competing messages of multiple children and demands of  family life. So much of couples’ noise is due to miscommunications; people misinterpreting and feeling badly about what they “thought” their partner meant or intended. In reality, more often than not, when couples think they disagree, they really are on the same page about the core issues, and their disagreements are about territorial or superficial noise that is not essential to their core couplehood.

 

Any or all of these three couple sustaining elements can be lost in the everyday noise of logistics and daily problem solving, especially when kids needs are present and always immediate! Couples must work together to maintain the three essential elements that united them.  This can occur in whatever form works for any particular couple. Examples are a weekly dinner together or a walk together after the kids are in bed 3 nights a week, or  20-30 minutes of  dedicated just “us” conversation  one time daily or  a  daily affirmation stated to each partner by the other, such as : “you are my soul mate because I connect to you on every level and think about you throughout the day” Sounds corny perhaps, but consider how much easier it may be to ignore the noise that often manifests in criticism and negativity of each other, if you as a couple began or ended the day with an affirmation to one another, reminding each other of the bigger picture and why you are together.

 

 

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